So I am Fat- where is my motivation?

So here I am now at the age of 36 fat and feeling helpless. blah blah blah. Everyone has their shit. However, for me I feel as though this is how it is supposed to be. If it was not, how come it has never changed? Maybe the correct answer is, what would be different? I would be lying if I said this is something i never realized before. I have always been fat. looking back as I got fatter, i realized I should have been happier when i was just chubby. I feel the same now as I did when I was just chubby- except now everything hurts. It is physical, emotional, mental- between the thyroid, the migraines the skin condition, the stress, the lack of motivation to be able to exercise and breathe at the same time- I do not know where and how it all went down hill. I need to find the motivation before it is too late. On a positive note, I did exercise two days in a row, have been counting my calories and am trying to stay positive. I am stressed about the endocrinologist appt tomorrow.
I already anticipate being told "it is not your thyroid" I plan on going in, asking for another medication, letting them know why i want the other medication and then taking it from there. I am afraid I am going to get all weak and submit to their keeping me on a medication that I do not feel is helping me as much as another can.